I didn’t make much progress on my “Attainable Goal” list the other night. I really wanted to, but I got hung up on the idea that I should have a fresh notebook in which to write down this master plan. I realize I could use my computer (or heck, this blog) for such a list, but there is something about physically writing this type of thing down. I suspect I am not the only one who has this affection for pen and paper. Needing to write in a fresh notebook, however, probably sets me apart from at least some of the crowd. This is an issue that has a history of crippling me.

For one thing, finding the perfect notebook can be a challenge. It has to be the right size (not too tall, not too thick); it has to be the right color (as if there is a “right” color. It depends on my mood at the moment of purchase, and that mood is a constantly moving target); it has to have lines, but they can’t be too far apart; it has to have something stiffer than a thin cardstock cover, but not as thick as a composition book. There are other requirements too, but I don’t want to go into them for fear I will sound obsessive…

When/if I find the perfect notebook, I also have to find the perfect pen: blue or black; gel ink; retractable clicky top (<–mood dependent); micro-point tip.

On the rare occasion when the stars align and I am able to make both of these purchases (I need to buy them at the same time- did I mention that part?), I then fall into a pattern of worry/paranoia. The notebook is so clean and pretty. I don’t want to ruin it with just any words. They have to be meaningful, well-written, concrete. And my penmanship is really bad, so that causes feelings of inferiority too. The pen situation is anxiety-inducing too. I spend so much time finding the perfect pen, I have to be very careful to conserve the ink. Because what if when it runs out, the pen manufacturer has discontinued that pen model!? Tragedy!

At this point you must be wondering how I get anything done, ever. Well, I typically don’t. But I must.

Day 5 of the new year, and my zest for 2010 is already dwindling. This could have something to do with yesterday’s re-entry into work life after two full weeks away from the office. I knew I’d have a hard time going back, but I thought the fact that I only started to cry a little while walking from my parked car to the front door of the building was a good sign that I’d be able to get back into the swing of things. The problem, of course, is that I hate the swing of things.

It could be worse, I suppose. Have you seen the movie Kabluey? Because this is how my girlfriend looked when I dropped her off at her job Monday morning:

While I take no comfort in the fact that my live-in Kabluey is more miserable than me, it does, I guess, provide some added motivation to actually try to make a few changes. That’s why, instead of pouring a beer (or three) and watching DVDs of The Office in bed until my eyes shrivel up and I lapse into what vaguely resembles sleep, I will spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out a game plan for this year. Attainable goals- that’s what I need to identify. If my accidental career in project management has taught me nothing else, it’s that attainable goals are the key to an undertaking like this. Or at the very least, the key to tricking myself into believing I am making progress.

January 1, 2010

Good time to start a blog, yes? Also a good time to lose ten pounds, learn to speak Spanish, create (and stick to) a budget and find a new, fulfilling job. I am not a betting woman (that’s not true, I play the lotto for investment purposes, despite the disclaimers in the commercials that caution otherwise, and I am rad at black jack), but of the aforementioned possibilities, I would say the weight loss is the most likely. Losing a little weight is easy. Don’t eat as much, exercise a little, and drink lots of water (something I am terrible at but chronic dehydration, while the source of probably many health issues, makes it really, really simple to drop a few pounds when you set your mind to it and actually intake water).

My best guess is that by some point in February I’ll be 10lbs lighter (yippee!), no more fluent in Spanish, continually broke and financially misguided, and still wondering how it is that an advertising agency actually pays me money to be a project manager despite my complete and utter lack of organizational skills and my basic apathy for the industry as a whole. Then, what’s the point of 2010?

This year, things are going to change. That’s the point. I’m generally not into this new year’s resolution, sunshine up the ass, optimistic bullshit, but I’m 34 years old and I’m thinking it’s getting to be time to grab the bull by the horns. The bull will probably kill me, but at least there will have been a few fleeting moments of bravery before I expel my lasts breath.

So, this year I WILL accomplish one or more of the following:

1. Write a book
2. Befriend professionals in the craft brewing industry who will teach me a thing or two about brewing beer professionally
3. Find a job that has at least trace amounts of personal satisfaction, while still allowing me to pay for my glamorous life as a non-descript resident of SE Portland
4. Run a half marathon (ok, that one shouldn’t be too hard, even though I have never run more than 4 miles, but as I was typing the previous items they seemed fairly daunting so I am throwing in this softball. Sue me).
5. Win the lottery

Your job? Follow along, wish me luck, and come to my celebratory party if any one of these goals should happen to come true.